Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
