my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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