i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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