Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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