It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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