I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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