Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
