You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
