The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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