Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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