Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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