Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
