please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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