where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
