I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
