I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
