Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
