i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
