I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
