Apparently you make a good broom.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
