my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
