I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
