I only kidnapped one of them. chill
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
