I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
