Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
