And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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