I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
