I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
