I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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