and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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