Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
