I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
