Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
home. puking in laundry basket.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize