Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
