The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
