Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
