I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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