Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
