i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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