When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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