i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
