so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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