broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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