oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
