i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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