I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
