I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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