he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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