I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
