Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
