I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
