So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
