i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize