I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
