Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You made out with two different species that night
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
