One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
