I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
