I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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