hotel room ftw
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
