thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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