i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
