So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
