just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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