WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
