Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
