Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize