I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
