I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
