I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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