I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
