If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
