i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I believe in your delicious
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
