so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
