please come you make the beer taste better
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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