my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
