Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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