She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
