you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
