Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
