so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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