Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
is that a dick in a sweater?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
