He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
