Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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