I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
