Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Enjoy the penises
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize