is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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