you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My balls are so social today.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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