I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
