did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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