Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
