plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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