I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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