If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
