it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
being pregnant is like rehab
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
