i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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